coconuts can't migrate


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I read several dozen stories a year from miserable, lonely guys who insist that women won’t come near them despite the fact that they are just the nicest guys in the world.

..I’m asking what do you offer? Are you smart? Funny? Interesting? Talented? Ambitious? Creative? OK, now what do you do to demonstrate those attributes to the world? Don’t say that you’re a nice guy — that’s the bare minimum.

“Well, I’m not sexist or racist or greedy or shallow or abusive! Not like those other douchebags!”

I’m sorry, I know that this is hard to hear, but if all you can do is list a bunch of faults you don’t have, then back the fuck away..

..Don’t complain about how girls fall for jerks; they fall for those jerks because those jerks have other things they can offer. “But I’m a great listener!” Are you? Because you’re willing to sit quietly in exchange for the chance to be in the proximity of a pretty girl (and spend every second imagining how soft her skin must be)? Well guess what, there’s another guy in her life who also knows how to do that, and he can play the guitar. Saying that you’re a nice guy is like a restaurant whose only selling point is that the food doesn’t make you sick. You’re like a new movie whose title is This Movie Is in English, and its tagline is “The actors are clearly visible”.

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David Wong, 6 Harsh Truths That Will Make You a Better Person

This never gets old. 

(via denasynesthesia)

snorlaxatives:

snorlaxatives:

*13 year old white girl voice* she rATCHEEETTTT

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myinternetlyfe:

snorlaxatives:

UMMMMMMMM

i’m sure gordo is up for it

anemicshoe:

not-burnie:

In case you needed proof that Peta is literal scum. 

Not to mention that in a 2010 inspection conducted by a VDACS veterinarian, it was discovered that 84 percent of the animals Peta took in were killed within 24 hours. [source]

A quick reminder that PETA is literal scum of the earth. 

ask-thelittleheros:

Peter Q: Or sometimes we play monopoly.

inkimyewetrust:

Better than this years entire show

petedkat:

From a Japanese CC commercial

Rina Takeda

Studying karate since she was ten, Rina is black belt in Ryukyu Shorin-ryu Karate.

mycroftrh:

in-alptraum-verloren:

rider-waite:

vivacosima:

daily reminder that minerva mcgonagall is metal as fuck

reminder she took 3 stunning spells directly to the chest and after being taken to st mungos brushed it off like nothing

Easily my favorite character in the entire series.  The snark is so strong it’s practically tangible.

IT UNSCREWS THE OTHER WAY.

malmaldude:

teenagenuisance:

sextoyconfessions:

This commercial is still the funniest thing I’ve seen in awhile.

children are just small stoners

The other girls like “you’re a genius”

nuclearnyx:

my anaconda don’t want none

unless you DEFEAT THE HUNS, SON

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