doctor will fix me they'll do a scan and find a terrible darkness seated in my stomach and be like "oh my god we're so sorry we were supposed to remove this at birth like everyone else, i don't know how this was missed, we're so sorry you've been living like this your whole life" and it'll fix my brain too and all clouds will part
just drove past a cunt with yhe license plate "HUMMUS" im obsessed with this dude who is such a hummus fucking fiend its his fucking license plate
of all of the bizarre things I’ve seen while working in skilled nursing the one that’s going to stick with me until I die is bug god
nothing can possibly prepare you for the moment you show up to give a man his apple juice and he says “Do you think bugs come from the same god as us? They’re older than our god. They have their own.”
shorthands for dumbassery that i have grown to love deeply
- "how dare you say we piss on the poor" in response to someone misinterpreting your post
- "_ isnt gonna fuck you" for suck up behavior
- "woah. should we tell everyone? should we throw a party?" for who the fuck cares
- "and what if the world was made of pudding" for when would this ever matter.
- "and sharks are smooth both ways" for a group of people heatedly arguing with 1 guy who is fucking with them all
- ".. but its about a witch in the alps finding her lost cat" for someone trying to sanitize something to the point of absurdity
this is prime proof that this ENTIRE WEBSITE is autistic because nowhere else would a no tags post that's just an informative list about slang get this much traction.
anyway more addittions
- “what were YOU doing at the devils sacrament” for how do you know that without being a part of it.
- “anyone in this thread smoke weed” for the shit you people are saying is so off topic this might as well be a general discussion forum
- “dogs are boys and cats are girls” for ooh ur mindset did not grow past 4th grade, huh
- “color theory in a childrens hospital” for bending over backwards to not agree that YEA, that thing Came Off Weird
- “you are a tar pit” for someone finding any reason to respond with outrage.
- “is the __ in the room with us right now?” for I Don’t Think That’s Real.
- “bean soup? im allergic to beans!” for ik this doesn’t work for you, but that’s not a flaw. not everything can be for you.
- “people irl: hey man hows it going” for this will Never Matter irl
Unrestrained autumn fun
modern gamers are so fucking toxic i was just playing fetch and she like. gestured like she was gonna throw the ball yeah? but she faked it out! she didn't actually throw the ball! what the fuck! if this is the direction the fetch meta is going i'm switching to tug o war or maybe even run in circles i am done with this community.
“Why don’t we have flying cars already smh” do you know how many car accidents happen every single day down here on the ground. If the average person had flying cars there would be multiple 9/11s happening every day
Trouts will be like, “Is anyone else gonna lay their entire body weight on you and sink their claws into your boobs?” and not wait for an answer
In honor of this reaching over 10k notes in one day-
[EXTREMELY LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER]
HER NAME IS TROUT. JUST THE ONE. NO S. I PLURALIZED TROUTS BECAUSE I WAS GENERALIZING HER KIND. SAY HI TROUT!!!!!!
trout!
